The Dater Survey a.k.a. Can I Tolerate You Application

A single friend and I were talking about the frustrations of the dating process. The repetitiveness of it. The SAME questions asked over and over and over...Have you been married? How long have you been divorced? Do you have kids? What part of Houston do you live in? What is your job? How old are your kids? What do you do for fun? Why are you still single?

My responses have begun to feel scripted. Now when it's someone I'm not interested in,  I start making things up. "I do have kids! I have 5 boys and 3 girls - all the same mama too!" "I'm not divorced - we're still married. You into that?" "Oh I don't have a job - I feel like at my age, I've done my part. My 8 children support me!" "For fun? I like to get on dating apps and lie..." Makes things more interesting, right? I digress...

In the aftermath of this conversation, I came up with some more questions to add to my previously posted "Dating Survey," and now call it the "Can I Tolerate You?" application. This application should be filled out by both parties before the beginning of the first date. Each attendee answers his/her questions before arriving, and the interviews are swapped as the first drinks are ordered. Both parties have time to read the resumes, and boom - you have talking points to carry you through the date.

So here it is, just in case any prospects decide to peruse my blog. You are welcome to borrow if you  choose.

Where do you live?

• Inside the loop
• Clear Lake/League City
• Pearland/Alvin
• Sugarland
• Woodlands/Spring
• Humble/Kingwood
• Somewhere else _________________

What is your sexual orientation?

• Gay
• Straight
• Bi
• Transgender
• Other or unknown

With what gender do you identify?

• Male
• Female
• Agender
• Bigender
• Intersex
• Transgender
• Wait, what?

Do you support Trump?

• Yes
• No 
• Don't care

What are you into?

• Drugs
• Music
• Reading
• Writing
• Exercise
• Her, right now. thanks for asking.
• Other ______________________

What's more important, personality or looks?

• Personality
• Looks!
• Both...
• Neither, just find some duct tape and/or a bag for her head

Would you ever leave your significant other for another?

• Yes
• No
• It would depend
• Define "significant"

What kind of music do you like? (choose more than one)

• Metal
• Old Rap
• New Rap
• R&B
• Rock
• Alternative
• Techno
• Folk
• Punk
• 80s hair
• Other __________________

(For men) How do you like your girl?

• Skinny as hell
• Some meat on her bones
• Muscular and defined
• I like big butts and I cannot lie
• Large and in charge
• BBW
• I don't care, as long as we get along

(For women) How do you like your man?

• Skinny as hell
• Some meat on his bones
• Muscular and defined
• Hulk muscles
• Husky
• Large and in charge
• I don't care, as long as we get along

What kind of person are you when you're sick?

• Needy. You have to take care of me or I'll whine incessantly
• Needy but fair. If you take care of me, you'll be rewarded handsomely
• Passive aggressive. I will take care of myself while complaining about how horrible I feel, with a good dose of side-eye
• Independent and in denial - I will take care of myself because there is nothing wrong with me

What are your living arrangements?

• I rent a house/an apartment
• I own my own place.
• I have roommates.
• My roommate is my ex.
• I'm living with my parents temporarily - I can't get out soon enough!
• I'm living with my parents because there's no place like home.

What do you look for in a partner? (0 = Not Important, 1 = Slightly Important, 2 = Important 3 = Very Important, 4 = Extremely Important, 5 = Deal Breaker)

Always up-beat                                    0   1    2    3    4    5   Always has an opinion                      0   1    2    3    4    5  

Quiet and lets me lead the way         0   1    2    3    4    5

Out-going                                          0   1    2    3    4    5

Shy                                                    0   1    2    3    4    5 

Super smart                                       0   1    2    3    4    5 Athletic/into sports                            0   1    2    3    4    5

Can binge watch some Netflix          0   1    2    3    4    5

Other deal-breakers _____________________

When you're not with your partner, you are:

• texting her constantly
• always on the phone with her
• doing your own thing...
• every now and then texting and thinking about her...
• why wouldn't I be with my girl?

When you get a text from your partner, you:

• Respond immediately or as soon as I can
• Respond immediately letting her/him know I can't talk
• Leave them on "Read" for a minute - let 'em wonder
• Respond before I go to bed
• Don't respond.

Do you have kids?

• Yes
• Yes but they're adults
• No but I want some of my own
• No but I love kids
• No and I don't ever want kids
• Yes and my baby mama gives me all kinds of drama.

Do you like:

• Mustard
• Mayonnaise
• Neither
• Both

What is your level of education?

• Some high school
• High school grad
• Some college
• College grad
• Self-made success with no college
• What is education?

Is there anything else that you should divulge at the start of this date that could possibly alter the course of this relationship?

This concludes the screening quiz. If you have any additional comments or selling points that you think may make up for lacking personality traits and/or an ugly face, please list those below. Thanks for your interest!

Click here for printable version of Can I Tolerate You Application