App Dating - The Hells of It
Whoever thought that developing long-lasting and fulfilling relationships through the wonders and convenience of our cell phones, clearly never did it. I do realize there are success stories out there, but since online dating has only been in existence for about 10 years, we have no real data on the divorce rate of said matches.
First was match.com. The landing page only asks if you're a man or a woman, and then it asks for your zip code. This is my first go at online dating way back in 2007. I click the box next to “woman” and I type in my zip code, with the mouse curser hovering over “Search!” God. Am I really doing this? Sigh…ok. Click.
The first man that pops up on my list of "results" is none other than…my ex-husband. I’ve completely forgotten the hesitation and horror of what I’ve just done. What?? How the hell did HE beat me to this??? WHAT??? I was freaked! At first I was pissed, and then I was like, "Well, let’s check out his profile.” He named song artists he must’ve started listening to in the 3 months we’d been separated. He also began drinking wine, a stark contrast to the Bud Light he used to keep stocked in our fridge. Who was this guy?
Regardless of my annoyance with being the last one to the party, I set up my profile. “Bubbletoes32.” Yep. That’s me. I’m cute!
This was in December. By the 2nd week in January, I'd gone through 5 men who I thought had good potential. Unfortunately, the first two were gay and just hadn't realized it yet. My gaydar was going apeshit. The 3rd guy was nice, and actually went to my high school, but started going off about his exes which totally freaked me out, and I told him as much on the date. The 4th guy was cool. I went to Ichibon with him, had Saki for the first time and actually let him kiss me. We went on a couple more dates, and in the meantime I met number 5...the big D.
But like, not that D. Minds out of the gutter.
Everyone who knows me knows big D. Guy number 4 was cool, but Big D was a nerd and goofy and his pheromones were screaming at me and I totally jumped into that. At first I was trying to balance Guy 4 and Big D at the same time to figure out who would stick. Guy 4 came to my regional swim meet and brought a book of poetry. For some reason, and I don't know why, this really turned me off. After the meet, he went to dinner with all of the swimmers and parents. Sitting there in Joe's Crab Shack, I realized I was going to dissect this guy like a frog because who I really wanted was Big D. And so goes the next 16 months of my life, with a man who by all accounts was a total stranger.
The difference between meeting a guy out in the real world versus the virtual world is that online, I am so much more free with what I share. Right off the bat he will learn so much more about me in a week than a real world guy would learn in a month. (This is hyperbole, but there’s a reason the term “keyboard warrior” exists.) As a result, there’s a false sense of intimacy and trust that normally grows a little slower. So I fall for the brain and the words and the tales, and then we get together in the real world with all of this knowledge and it's like we've known each other forever.
But trust me...we don't.
It sets the whole process back. You go into the relationship with all of these preconceived notions, and then you have to retrain your brain every time something happens that you find a bit off. In the long run, it takes waaay longer to get to know someone.
The conveniences of online dating open up a large population of men whom I may never have met. In most instances, I’m very thankful for that. Maybe the one for me is out there in the virtual world and I just haven’t found him yet. But I honestly don’t know if I’ll maintain this level of swiping long enough to find my prince. Way too many roads to trudge through.
...to be continued
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